Promises! Promises!

It's hard to reproduce the wrap-around ad UCLA bought that came as a faux front page of the paper edition of the LA Times today.  But above is my best attempt.  The occasion seems to be the campaign to raise $4+ billion in donations (excluding any from Donald Sterling, presumably).  But the promises of what UCLA will be delivering suggests $4 billion is cheap compared to what we will get.

1) The mysteries of the universe will be revealed.

2) Alzheimer's disease will be but a forgotten memory.

3) Reliance on fossil fuels will be ended. (Except for the campus's natural gas power generation plant?)

4) Cancer will be cured or eradicated.

5) Teaching will take a "quantum leap".  (Do you have to quantum look before you quantum leap?)

Where's my checkbook?  I believe!